Sharia Cops Arrested for Rape & Mark McGwire's God Connection

Sharia Cops Suspected of Gang Rape
In Indonesia, members of their silly Sharia police, responsible for upholding Islamic "Law", have been arrested for an alleged gang rape. Three officers are suspected of gang raping a female detainee at a police station during her interrogation. Two of the suspects have been arrested while the other is on the run.


Australian Government Gives $60 Million to "Cult" Schools
In Australia, the government is giving more than $60 million USD worth of funding to schools run by the Exclusive Brethren, a religious sect many regard as a cult. According to a local paper, the Exclusive Brethren is a 'fundamentalist Christian sect that lives by the doctrine of separation from mainstream society. Although these schools teach the required curriculum, some say that certain novels are banned and chapters on sex and reproduction are omitted from science textbooks. Members of this group don't vote or use technology and are not allowed to eat in public restaurants.


DA Investigating Sex Abuse Allegation Against Roman Catholic School Official
In Pennsylvania, a local DA is investigating allegations of "inappropriate touching" by Joseph Casciano (r), a superintendent of schools for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Scranton. The investigation was prompted after the alleged victim recently notified the diocese about the abuse and they, in turn, contacted the DA's office.




Former Pastor Arrested for Ripping Off Immigrants
In New Jersey, a former pastor for the Salvation Army was arrested today after a Grand Jury indicted the man on 14 counts of theft by deception. Pastor Enoc Tito Sotelo (l.) is accused of concocting a bogus green card scheme that bilked immigrants out of thousands. If convicted, Sotelo faces up to 70 years in prison.


And Finally... God --Not 'Roids-- Responsible for McGwire's HR Record!
It's become sickeningly predictable at this point: Some public figure gets caught doing something sinful/illegal/unethical/immoral/hypocritical, calls a press conference/interview and then invokes God in some way, shape or form. If these jerkoffs are so goddamn religious, it makes you wonder what the were thinking while they were conducting their misdeeds with The Big Guy looking on.

Anyway, so Mark McGwire (l.) has finally admitted to using steroids -- BUT he doesn't credit the juice for giving him the ability to hit home runs. Instead, McGwire says "I believe I was given this gift by the man upstairs.” Since I doubt Jose Canseco --who allegedly used to have the honor of injecting 'roids into McGwire's ass-- was on the upper floor during the interview, we'll assume the disgraced slugger meant God.

However, if it was, in fact, God's doing in McGwire's case, it does make you question His priorities. In 1998, when McGwire broke Roger Maris' single season home run record on September 8, one has to question why God put all his resources into the McGwire rather than, say, prevent the senseless murder of Matthew Shepard the following month or stop the Eschede train disaster in Germany on June 3, which killed 101 passengers.

I guess God really likes baseball.